Neglect

I realize that I have been very neglectful of this blog. Impending motherhood has been all consuming of my mind and body. When I am not working, I am thinking about Baby Bear's arrival and preparing as much as I can. I never knew that the idea of becoming a mother takes over you so completely. But, it does so in a good way.

I always thought that I would be able to retain a part of me that would be independent of motherhood. I still believe that I will (who knows I may be naive in thinking this), but I think it will take some time and at this particular time the changes in my body and hormones have taken over so completely that my needs are not so important as the needs of the new life that is inside of me. It is an amazing experience and feeling.

Many people say that motherhood changes you and I am sure that it will, but I also hope at the same time that I still able to retain who I am. I look forward to the challenges and rewards of motherhood, but I hope it will enhance who I am rather than totally change my entire being, if that makes any sense. I guess time will tell.

I have many thoughts and feelings with the idea of motherhood. Apprehension and excitement is all around this entire experience. Will I be a good mother? Will I continue to be a good wife? Will I continue to be me? So many questions run through my head. In the end this new life will enter the world and it is up to Mr. Bear and I to guide her through life. we are up for the challenge and we are so excited for this little one to enter our lives. But at the same time I am a little nervous about it all. Will there ever come a time where I do not obsess about motherhood and my abilities to be a good mother? Or is this a part of this new phase of my life and a part of who I have become? Hmmm, I wonder.