I know she is with us

Tricia, you are greatly missed. Three years ago, Tricia was taken from us. She was taken too early by breast cancer. I miss my sister-in-law. Though she is not present on earth with us, I know that she is here watching over us.

I was thinking of her this morning. As I was thinking of her something wonderful happened. Somehow she came to my rescue. I truly believe she was my angel to make things happen. We have been preparing for our move next week and I have been trying to arrange for Baby Bear's care so that I can focus on the move. Trust me it will be so much easier if she is not here, she is a busy girl and will most likely get into everything that she is not supposed to. I had most days covered except for Thursday, which happens to be the day that we move most everything. I got a call this morning from my mother-in-law and her appointment that prevented her from taking Baby Bear was canceled. This all happened as I was thinking of Tricia. Coincidence or not, I believe that Tricia was watching over us and helping to lift some stress from our lives. Thank you Tricia. I love you and I miss you.

Hannah you will be missed

Last night, Mr. Bear's step-dad and mom had to put their beloved dog, Hannah, to sleep. She was 14 years old and was really doing very badly. It was a very sad day.

Hannah was a great pup; she was smart and friendly. I'll always remember her great love of beef jerky and her tail that could knock you over. She never barked and always greeted me when ever I came to visit. She was an awesome dog and awesome companion to my in-laws. She was a big part of our family. We all loved her.

I wish that I had a picture to share here so that I could share her sweet eyes.

Hannah will be missed!!!!

Another Sorrowful Day

I have never been to so many funerals in my life as I have been in the last 4 months. Mr. Bear's custom black suit that he bought for our wedding less than a year ago has been to more funerals than anything else.

Today, Mr. Bear and I attended the 3rd funeral since my sister-in-law passed away in December. Mr. Bear's step-dad's uncle passed away in his sleep on Sunday, March 16, 2008. I did not know Joe very well, but from the stories I heard today he sounded like a great man with such great qualities about him. He was giving and philantrophic and cared about many people. He was hard working and had a lot of willpower. He had 7 children and many grandchildren and led a long life. There were obviously many people who loved and admired him as evident by the attendance at the funeral services.

The internment took place at the same cemetery where Tricia is at and so we went to see her in the mausoleum before we left. The feelings of loss and sadness are still pretty raw and it was hard to be there for even a minute. All the emotions of loss just came rushing back. It was already a day of sorrow and my own loss was deep in my thoughts and my heart. I think of Tricia every so often, we have her picture on our fridge and in our room, so every time I see her photo I think of her. As I ran the 5K in her memory on Saturday, I thought of her. And today as we sat through yet another funeral this year, I again thought of her. I know my loss is different from Mr. Bear's loss and my father-in-law's loss but it is none the less a loss that brings great emotions. I miss her vibrant red hair and her great smile and vivacious laugh. I can still hear her voice in my head. I am glad that I can still remember these things about her, even though it hurts to miss her.

I sincerely hope that the next occasion in which Mr. Bear has to wear his black suit is a more joyous occasion.

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Golfing for a cause

My sister-in-law was an active board member of the Nicholas Woods Friedreichs Ataxia Foundation. It was a foundation that she cared a lot about and she was very active in planning a fundraising golf tournament every year. It was her favorite fundraising event and Mr. Bear would participate through here coaxing. Sadly she is no longer here to plan the event, so this year her cousin and best friend are putting it all together in her memory. If you are a golfer or know someone who is a golfer, please consider participating. Click here for the brochure. All the proceeds go toward a good cause. Mr. Bear will be there drinking beers and golfing, as Tricia would have loved for it to be! It will be a fun event with fun people for a great cause and for a great memory. If I could golf, I would be there on the greens! Alas, that is simply not a talent of mine, so I will have to leave Mr. Bear to the golfing.

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A Survivor

Today, we attended the funeral services of a very special lady, Mr. Bear’s aunt’s mother-in-law (sounds complicated but what it all comes down to was that she was family). Frieda “Fritzi” Schnitzer was taken from us by cancer. It is hard to believe that she is no longer here with us. We had just seen her at Thanksgiving and she was her vibrant, spunky self. However, just after the holidays she was diagnosed with lung cancer and it had spread to the brain (an all too familiar scenario for our family). Within weeks she was gone, she passed away on Sunday, Feb 23, 2008, and she was 83 years old. She was a truly special woman, one of a kind. Everyone who knew her loved her! She experienced so much more in life than most people experience in a lifetime. She was a wife, a mother, and a grandmother. She was also a Holocaust survivor who shared her story through lectures, interviews, and in a book.

I had the opportunity to read her story and was just amazed at what she went through. Her entire teenage years were spent just trying to survive. Her mother sent her away from Germany at early age since it was her only means of survival and never saw her mother or her father ever again. She was fortunate to find a family who loved her and cared for her. She had to hide her true identity and bought papers with a new name and non-Jewish identity, she even learned to shoot a gun. All this from the age of 14 to 20! Through the grace of God, she survived that awful time in history with what means she could. At 20, she met a handsome American soldier who she fell in love with and married. At 20, her life truly began. If you asked what her how old she was, she would say she was 63 because her life began at 20.

Fritzi and her husband attended our wedding last May and we had a marriage dance and were able to honor them as the longest married couple. They had been married 63 years! I am so glad that we were able to do that small thing for them. I can only hope that Mr. Bear and I are married as long and have as true a love as they had.

Although I only knew her for a short amount of time, what a privilege it was to know her and listen to her stories, not just of the Holocaust, but of her life. She was definitely one to live her life to the fullest and to get what she wanted. She cherished every moment, she cherished her family. If there is anything that I have learned from her is that you have to live life.

One of the last stories she told me was the story about the Cadillac. When she first came to the US, she did not have a driver’s license and did not know how to drive. She had depended on her husband and others to drive her around. She wanted a car but needed a driver’s license first. Well, while her husband was out of town on business, she called up a driving school, took a driving lesson, and then she asked the instructor to take her to the DMV to get her license. She took the test and on the same day received her driver’s license. Her husband came home and she showed him her license. He said he’d get her a car when she got a license and she wanted a Cadillac and that was what she got! When we saw her at Thanksgiving, she was still driving, this time one of those BMW roadsters.

She always found a way to get what she wanted! She is possibly the most amazing woman I have ever had the privilege to know. There is no one else like her. I am truly blessed to have had the opportunity to know her. Fritzi you will be missed, but never forgotten!

Photos by Amy Squires Photography
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A Memory and a Cause

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am the song that will never end.
I am the love of family and friend.
I am the child who has come to rest
In the arms of the Father who knows him best.

When you see the sunset fair,
I am the scented evening air.
I am the joy of a task well done.
I am the glow of the setting sun.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there, I did not die!

~ Mary E. Frye

This poem was read at Tricia's funeral. Today is Tricia’s 40th b-day. Happy Birthday Tricia! I miss you!

In her memory, I will be participating in the Susan G. Koman Breast Cancer Foundation Race for the Cure on Saturday, March 15th. I have participated in this 5K for the last several years because I believe in the cause and I have several family and friends affected by breast cancer and who are fortunate to be survivors. Tricia was the first person that this awful disease has taken from my world so this year I am running in her memory.

As part of the event, I've created my own Personal Donation webpage to which you can make a donation of any amount. It is a good cause.

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Memories and Reflections from 2007

I know it is kind of late to be reflecting back on the past year. But there were a couple of events from 2007 that can never be forgotten. 2007 was filled with ups and downs, the biggest up was my wedding!! However, our year ended with a down that impacted my family so deeply.

Getting married in 2007 definitely made it a memorable year. However, 2007 was the year that I not only planned a wedding, but also a funeral. It was the year that my sister-in-law passed away. A beautiful, vibrant, young 39-year old redhead is no longer in our life because of breast cancer. With her birthday in a few days, I think it is a good time to remember her.

December 2007 was a month that I will never forget. One day I got a call from Mr. Bear that his step-sister was in the hospital because she had a brain seizure and 2 weeks later she was gone. On December 17, 2007, Tricia Borba Vasquez passed away from breast cancer of the brain. After beating breast cancer, it was found that it spread to her brain. Within weeks, she quickly deteriorated and passed away.

She had Leptomeningeal Carcinomatosis (LC), I can barely even say or spell it. LC is found more often in women, as breast cancer is one of the more common tumors to spread in this fashion. She had breast cancer which she had beaten but then it spread to her brain and got into the meninges (meninges is the system of membranes which envelope the central nervous system and along with the cerebrospinal fluid protect the central nervous system/brain). Once it gets there, there is very little you can do.

I do not share this to sadden anyone but to bring awareness of the importance of early detection of breast cancer. As women, we need to be educated and proactive regarding our health. Monthly breast self-exams are one way we can be proactive and make sure to get yourself checked. It is important that we do this for ourselves and the ones we love.

I am sorry if I brought a downer to your day; that was not my intention. I just believe it is important to share our experiences so that we can make others more aware. Cancer does not discriminate by age, race, or gender. She was too young and I want to make sure she is not forgotten and that we can learn from what she went through. It might be a little too late for New Years’ resolutions, but your health is something that should be a priority all year long.