I know she is with us

Tricia, you are greatly missed. Three years ago, Tricia was taken from us. She was taken too early by breast cancer. I miss my sister-in-law. Though she is not present on earth with us, I know that she is here watching over us.

I was thinking of her this morning. As I was thinking of her something wonderful happened. Somehow she came to my rescue. I truly believe she was my angel to make things happen. We have been preparing for our move next week and I have been trying to arrange for Baby Bear's care so that I can focus on the move. Trust me it will be so much easier if she is not here, she is a busy girl and will most likely get into everything that she is not supposed to. I had most days covered except for Thursday, which happens to be the day that we move most everything. I got a call this morning from my mother-in-law and her appointment that prevented her from taking Baby Bear was canceled. This all happened as I was thinking of Tricia. Coincidence or not, I believe that Tricia was watching over us and helping to lift some stress from our lives. Thank you Tricia. I love you and I miss you.

Two years

Two years ago today Tricia was taken from us by cancer. Her memory is still very strong in our hearts and minds and will always be so.

Tricia, you are not forgotten. You are always in our heart and memories. I think of you often and I miss you.

I raced!

(Blog entry from Sher's Corner)

I did it, I Raced for the Cure yesterday. Thank you to all that helped to support this organization. I raised a total of $905! I never raised that much money for anything. I am really proud of myself for doing so. Baby Bear and I completed the 5K in a little over 52 minutes. Not too bad for being 28 weeks pregnant. We jog a small part of it but mostly walked since the extra weight I have gained makes my feet hurt when I run (it is a sad thing about being pregnant). I am pretty happy that I did this! I was excited to see others jogging with jogging strollers and their babies. Next year, that will be me!!

It was a great event and had a wonderful turn out. I have participated in the Race for the Cure for several years now and I was glad that I was still able to participate and not let being pregnant make me miss out on this. It has been important for me to do this in memory of my sister-in-law.

(I did take a picture but I look so awful in it there is no way I am posting it. Mr. Bear agreed that it wasn't the best picture of me. Oh well next year!)

I will race!

Once again, I'm participating in the Susan G. Komen LA Race for the Cure. This national nonprofit with chapters all over the U.S. work towards educating and providing funds for breast cancer research.

Yes, I realize that I will be 28 weeks pregnant during this event, but I assure you that I can do this (I have been exercising and jogging with my doctors okay, 3-4 days a week throughout my entire pregnancy). I have participated in this 5K for the past 5 years. As I did last year, I run/walk (maybe more of a waddle) in memory of my sister-in-law, Tricia Borba Vasquez, who was taken from us by this awful cancer.

As part of the event, I've created my own Personal Donation Page and since my birthday is coming up soon, what a great birthday gift!! Your support would be the best gift you could ever give me and this is for an important cause.

Did you know?

• Ten to fifteen percent of breast cancers are not detected by mammography?
• Men are also at risk for developing breast cancer?
• Having no children or a first child after age 30 are among some of the risks?

One year

It is hard to believe that one year has passed since Tricia was taken from us. I remember that day clearly as it was yesterday.

Tricia was really sick and we knew she would be passing at any moment. She had been moved from the hospital to a hospice to help manage her pain. Each day we visited her at the hospice, as we knew it was just a matter of time before she was taken from us. It had been just 2 weeks prior that Mr. Bear received a call that his sister (technically step-sister, but she was his sister just as his step-father is as much his father as his biological father) had a brain seizure. The day of December 16, 2007, we made hand prints of Tricia with our hand prints. It was a nice little exercise that one of the grieving counselors did with the whole family. It helped to have a piece of her to have with us.

That evening, we went back to the beach house we had rented near the hospice. (It was nice to to have a house to stay in rather than sleeping in hotel rooms, as we had done for several days. All of us stayed at the house and later during the week it was nice to have friends come and stay as they visited.) We made dinner and relaxed by the fire. It was a Sunday night and we had all had a long day. Mr. Bear and I went up to the room to sleep. I remember that it was a very light sleep, it seemed as if I was partially awake listening to every sound in the house. Then a knock came to our door and I immediately sat up and my mother-in-law came in and told us that she was gone. It was just after midnight and they had just received a call from the hospice. It was December 17, 2007 and Tricia passed away from breast cancer of the brain. Everyone in the house was up and made their way downstairs into the kitchen. There was sadness and relief that she was no longer suffering. We consoled each other and decided that there was no reason for everyone to head over to the hospice. The important phone calls were made but the rest would be made during the day. Mr. Bear and his cousin went over to the hospice to make sure things were taken care of and the rest of the house tried to go back to bed and get some rest; we all had a busy day ahead of us to plan the funeral.

The morning led to a beautiful day; the sun was shining and the weather was cool. It was peaceful and serene as if Tricia had ordered that for us. We were staying at a wonderful house on the beach and the beach had a calming effect on us all; it was therapeutic for us. I remember sitting on the patio staring at the waves crash.

For the first time in my life I was asked to write a eulogy. I never thought I would spend the holiday season writing a eulogy. I wrote her eulogy in the midst of the serene backdrop that Tricia provide for me. I have written many things; I have written a dissertation and a thesis and many papers and chapters over the years. But nothing as difficult and as meaningful as this short eulogy for my sister-in-law.

We had much to think about. Fortunately, many calls had been made prior to this day in preparation. But I still think you are never ready even knowing that she was sick and this was really happening. There was so much to do. The church and the funeral home, getting the eulogy in the paper, flowers and food for the reception afterward, deciding on music and readings for the mass, looking for pictures. In many ways, like planning a wedding (which I had done earlier in the year) in a span of a few days. But being busy and planning gave us something to do. It gave us something else to focus on rather than the pain we felt in our hearts.

That emptiness and pain is still there. I really don't expect it to go away. There will always be an emptiness and pain; I just think the magnitude of it will change over time. I am especially sad that Baby Bear will never know her; will never know her vibrant firecracker personality that matched her vibrant red hair; will never know her beautiful smile. I am honored that I had that short time to know her and I will share her pictures with Baby Bear and I know that Mr. Bear will share his memories as well.

Tricia, we miss you and we love you!!

So Sad

Back in April I blogged about Randy Pausch who gave an inspirational lecture, called "The Last Lecture." He was dying of pancreatic cancer and sadly he lost his fight and passed away today.

My thoughts and condolences go to his wife and 3 children.







For more info:
http://www.cmu.edu/randyslecture/
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/LastLecture/
http://abcnews.go.com/video/playerIndex?id=5448375

Water bottle safety

The NBC Today Show featured a story on the safety of plastic water bottles. I use my Nalgene bottle regularly and have many water bottles made of the same plastic. I have one in my office, I bring one to the gym with me, and I have one at home. It is one way for me to drink lots of water and stay hydrated.

There are several references to this story circulating the internet. Basically, the story talked about the dangers of plastic bottle that are categorized as #3, 6, and 7 (You can find that information on the bottom of them bottle inside the triangle). Many water bottles, like Nalgene bottles, and even baby bottles, have the triangle with the #7 on it. The problem is that the plastic is made of polycarbonate (PC) which is composed of a hormone-disrupting chemical called bisphenol A (BPA). This chemical has been linked to health problems such as as cancer and may even influence infertility. Now that is pretty scary. Some say the chemical is only released when microwaving the bottle or heating it and other say that it is unsafe period.

This article will of course effect the sales of Nalgene bottles and such, since they are in this category of plastic. Some government agencies, including the U.S. Food and Drug Administration, says that their review of the research shows BPA to have no risk to human health. Nalgene cites this information on their website regarding the safety of their bottles.

Hmm, do I want to take the risk, especially with the incidence of breast cancer in my family. I don't know about that. I think I might have to switch to a different type of water bottle, a Sigg bottle, which is made of aluminum. This one is pretty and I have heard keeps your water cooler. They are a bit pricey but they are more environmentally friendly since they are completely recyclable at the end of their long lives. I do have some dividend money from REI that I need to spend, now I know what I can spend it on, wohoo! Now what do I do with my other plastic bottles, I don't want to toss them, that would not be good for the environment.

The Last Lecture

Back in September, my father-in-law introduced me to a lecture given by Randy Pausch, a professor at Carnegie Mellon University. There is an academic tradition called the "last lecture" in which a professor is invited to speak as if it's the last lecture he'll ever give. For Randy Pausch, this was truly his last lecture.

Randy Pausch was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer and has not been given very long to live, his prognosis was very poor. His last lecture, Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams, was inspirational and everyone should really watch the original lecture, it is 76 minutes long but well worth it. Click here to download the full length lecture on the CMU website or it can also be found on YouTube. I watched the entire original lecture totally mesmerized by his words and his message. I can't say that about many lectures. There are several shorter versions found on the Internet, such as the YouTube video above and he has a website with many of them posted. He has been getting a lot of press, he was on Oprah and he was interviewed last night by Diane Sawyer in an ABC New special. He also has a book that will be published soon.

The lecture was not only about achieving your childhood dreams but also about how to live your life. Although his lecture has gained so much popularity and inspired so many people, he had only intended his words for his 3 young children. It was meant for them to watch when they were older and better able to understand his words and message. You can see in his face and in through his words how much he loves his children and adores his wife. I watched that entire lecture with so much emotion. It touched me so much and truly inspired me. What a truly amazing man.

He is fighting the horrible disease with various treatments to slow the progression of the cancer, but his health is slowly deteriorating. He makes regular updates on his website.

Being a healthy bear

Health is something that has been weighing heavily on my mind. I am not overweight or sick or anything but people close to me have had health issues that has caused me to be more conscious of what it means to live healthy. In particular the following have deeply affected me:

1. As you might remember, my sister-in-law passed away in December from breast cancer and that forever impacted me and my thoughts of mortality. She was only 39 and way too young to be taken from our world. In addition, two of my maternal aunts are breast cancer survivors, so it does run in my family as does other types of cancer.

2. Several years ago, my daddy had a mild stroke and we later found that he had a 80% blockage in one of his arteries. My daddy is unique in that he was born with only 2 main arteries rather than the 3 that most other people are born with. So 80% in one artery when he was already missing one artery was not a good thing. As a result, he had to have a metal stent inserted into his artery to help clear the blockage. This was a very frightening event, my dad was not even in his 60's at the time. My daddy, my superman, for the first time was vulnerable. My daddy is a man with such a big heart and it was just ironic that he was at risk of a heart attack. His father, my grandfather, passed away before I was born due to heart disease, so this was something that is in our family history so I too need to be cognizant of it. As a teen I had high cholesterol. Some people think that occurs with unhealthy and overweight people. I wasn't overweight by any means, but both my mommy and daddy have had high cholesterol. Through proper diet and exercise I was able to bring it down to normal levels but it is something that I inherited from my parents and I need to continually monitor with my doctor. Heart disease is the number one killer of women and as a woman I have to do my best to live a heart healthy lifestyle.

3. Recently, my mother was diagnosed with osteoporosis, something that is most common among Asian women, making me also vulnerable (being an Asian woman and now having a family history). I believe that this is also found on my dad's side of the family as well. Luckily with treatment it can be reversed and there are many things you can do to prevent it.

Knowing that I have a pre-disposition to these illnesses, I can work to take steps now while I am still young (yes 33 is still young!) to prevent their occurrence. All of these things together have made me realize just how fragile and how important our health is. How fortunate I am to have my health to be able to run in a 5K to benefit breast cancer when my sister-in-law can not. I need to appreciate my health and live in such a way to keep myself healthy, I am lucky to be alive, so I have to treat my body in the right way. The way to do that is to educate myself and to strive to live a healthy lifestyle.

I Raced for a cure! Picture Updates

Run, Bear, Run!!!

Here are a few pictures from the Race for the Cure 5K that I ran a few weeks ago. Here is proof that I really ran it!! Sorry that the pictures are so small, they are thumbnails from the professional photographers that took pictures at the race. I am too cheap to spend $15 on a photo! Look at me go, I am almost to the finish line!!



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I Raced for a cure!

Saturday, I participated in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure 5K. I ran on a team with several of my co-workers. I ran in memory of my sister-in-law, Tricia Borba Vasquez. It was a great event and for a wonderful cause. Thank you to all the wonderful people who supported me through this and helped to raise money for a worthwhile cause. It meant so much to me.


I am not an avid runner and have never considered myself to be a runner (although I do run a lot). But I have ran in several 5K's and I knew that I could do it, after all, a 5K's only 3.1 miles! I don't know how long it has taken me in the past to run a 5K (I'd never kept track, but I know I once completed a 5K just under 30 minutes), so to challenge myself I set a goal for myself to finish the 5K in under 35 minutes. I know that I am not a fast runner so that sound reasonable to me and as I was training I found that the first mile I could run in under 11 minutes but subsequent miles took me closer to 12 minutes to complete, so I figured 35 minutes was very doable for me.

I am very proud to report that I finished the 5K in 33:16 minutes!! Definitely under my goal time. So about an 11 minute mile, I am happy with that pace for myself. I would run/jog about 10 minute and walk for 1 minute and did that through the whole course and that proved to be a good strategy for me. It definitely felt good to finish in under my goal time and I felt that Tricia was there with me giving me the strength to finish. I thought of her throughout the run and that motivated me even more to run rather than walk.

One of the best things about race events, beside constributing to a great cause, are the free goodies! Here are a few of what I got.

I wish I had my camera with me to take more pitures but I didn't want to carry anything with me during my run, so all I have are a few from my cell phone. Some of co-workers took some pictures, so hopefully I can share those at a later time.

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A Survivor

Today, we attended the funeral services of a very special lady, Mr. Bear’s aunt’s mother-in-law (sounds complicated but what it all comes down to was that she was family). Frieda “Fritzi” Schnitzer was taken from us by cancer. It is hard to believe that she is no longer here with us. We had just seen her at Thanksgiving and she was her vibrant, spunky self. However, just after the holidays she was diagnosed with lung cancer and it had spread to the brain (an all too familiar scenario for our family). Within weeks she was gone, she passed away on Sunday, Feb 23, 2008, and she was 83 years old. She was a truly special woman, one of a kind. Everyone who knew her loved her! She experienced so much more in life than most people experience in a lifetime. She was a wife, a mother, and a grandmother. She was also a Holocaust survivor who shared her story through lectures, interviews, and in a book.

I had the opportunity to read her story and was just amazed at what she went through. Her entire teenage years were spent just trying to survive. Her mother sent her away from Germany at early age since it was her only means of survival and never saw her mother or her father ever again. She was fortunate to find a family who loved her and cared for her. She had to hide her true identity and bought papers with a new name and non-Jewish identity, she even learned to shoot a gun. All this from the age of 14 to 20! Through the grace of God, she survived that awful time in history with what means she could. At 20, she met a handsome American soldier who she fell in love with and married. At 20, her life truly began. If you asked what her how old she was, she would say she was 63 because her life began at 20.

Fritzi and her husband attended our wedding last May and we had a marriage dance and were able to honor them as the longest married couple. They had been married 63 years! I am so glad that we were able to do that small thing for them. I can only hope that Mr. Bear and I are married as long and have as true a love as they had.

Although I only knew her for a short amount of time, what a privilege it was to know her and listen to her stories, not just of the Holocaust, but of her life. She was definitely one to live her life to the fullest and to get what she wanted. She cherished every moment, she cherished her family. If there is anything that I have learned from her is that you have to live life.

One of the last stories she told me was the story about the Cadillac. When she first came to the US, she did not have a driver’s license and did not know how to drive. She had depended on her husband and others to drive her around. She wanted a car but needed a driver’s license first. Well, while her husband was out of town on business, she called up a driving school, took a driving lesson, and then she asked the instructor to take her to the DMV to get her license. She took the test and on the same day received her driver’s license. Her husband came home and she showed him her license. He said he’d get her a car when she got a license and she wanted a Cadillac and that was what she got! When we saw her at Thanksgiving, she was still driving, this time one of those BMW roadsters.

She always found a way to get what she wanted! She is possibly the most amazing woman I have ever had the privilege to know. There is no one else like her. I am truly blessed to have had the opportunity to know her. Fritzi you will be missed, but never forgotten!

Photos by Amy Squires Photography
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A Memory and a Cause

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am the song that will never end.
I am the love of family and friend.
I am the child who has come to rest
In the arms of the Father who knows him best.

When you see the sunset fair,
I am the scented evening air.
I am the joy of a task well done.
I am the glow of the setting sun.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there, I did not die!

~ Mary E. Frye

This poem was read at Tricia's funeral. Today is Tricia’s 40th b-day. Happy Birthday Tricia! I miss you!

In her memory, I will be participating in the Susan G. Koman Breast Cancer Foundation Race for the Cure on Saturday, March 15th. I have participated in this 5K for the last several years because I believe in the cause and I have several family and friends affected by breast cancer and who are fortunate to be survivors. Tricia was the first person that this awful disease has taken from my world so this year I am running in her memory.

As part of the event, I've created my own Personal Donation webpage to which you can make a donation of any amount. It is a good cause.

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Memories and Reflections from 2007

I know it is kind of late to be reflecting back on the past year. But there were a couple of events from 2007 that can never be forgotten. 2007 was filled with ups and downs, the biggest up was my wedding!! However, our year ended with a down that impacted my family so deeply.

Getting married in 2007 definitely made it a memorable year. However, 2007 was the year that I not only planned a wedding, but also a funeral. It was the year that my sister-in-law passed away. A beautiful, vibrant, young 39-year old redhead is no longer in our life because of breast cancer. With her birthday in a few days, I think it is a good time to remember her.

December 2007 was a month that I will never forget. One day I got a call from Mr. Bear that his step-sister was in the hospital because she had a brain seizure and 2 weeks later she was gone. On December 17, 2007, Tricia Borba Vasquez passed away from breast cancer of the brain. After beating breast cancer, it was found that it spread to her brain. Within weeks, she quickly deteriorated and passed away.

She had Leptomeningeal Carcinomatosis (LC), I can barely even say or spell it. LC is found more often in women, as breast cancer is one of the more common tumors to spread in this fashion. She had breast cancer which she had beaten but then it spread to her brain and got into the meninges (meninges is the system of membranes which envelope the central nervous system and along with the cerebrospinal fluid protect the central nervous system/brain). Once it gets there, there is very little you can do.

I do not share this to sadden anyone but to bring awareness of the importance of early detection of breast cancer. As women, we need to be educated and proactive regarding our health. Monthly breast self-exams are one way we can be proactive and make sure to get yourself checked. It is important that we do this for ourselves and the ones we love.

I am sorry if I brought a downer to your day; that was not my intention. I just believe it is important to share our experiences so that we can make others more aware. Cancer does not discriminate by age, race, or gender. She was too young and I want to make sure she is not forgotten and that we can learn from what she went through. It might be a little too late for New Years’ resolutions, but your health is something that should be a priority all year long.